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After watching baseball players dive into first base, US Olympic sprint coach demands the same out o

US Olympic sprint coach, Martin Giardelli, has seen enough. In an expletive filled rant on Thursday night, Giardelli slammed the current olympic sprint team saying “they don’t want it bad enough.” Giardelli exclaimed, “You see those baseball players diving into first base, jamming, dislocating, hell, I saw one guy have his whole hand amputated right there on the field after trying to beat out a ground ball up 14 to nothing in the 8th. THAT'S HOW BAD YOU GOTTA WANT IT!” Giardelli had to be calmed down by his assistants who stand behind the head coach’s thoughts.

US olympic sprinters James Montgomery and Alicia Simmons were the first to put this new technique to the test at practice early Saturday morning. After a good warm up, the captains of the men’s and women’s team ran the 100 meters and dove headfirst across the finish line finishing at 10.21 and 10.96 respectively, well below their usual times. “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” Montgomery said as blood waterfalled down his chest from the burn of the track on his body. “Yeah it hurts, but Coach Giardelli is right,” Simmons explained, “nothing in life is supposed to be easy, yeah I’m in an incredible amount of pain and I certainly couldn’t run another race today, but that just means I’m getting better.” The team and coaching staff alike are all on board for this new tactic which they believe will “revolutionize” the sport.

Montgomery added, “Yeah it might look funny, but Dick Fosbury (inventor of the Fosbury Flop used in the high jump) looked funny too the first time he did the high jump and he changed the game. Revolutions take time for people to get on board, but when this starts working, generations are going to laugh at the thought of a sprinter running through the tape with their chest pushed forward.”

Perhaps the revolution is underway, and if it does work, they owe it all to those grinding baseball players who constantly disregard their safety to prove how bad they want it.

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