How many people will Draymond Green kick in the penis and other important questions for the NBA conf

The NBA conference finals are now officially upon us and you know what that means, it’s finally time to start watching NBA basketball. Technically the season is months old but technically those zip off pants into shorts were a bad idea so how come I still have a pair and occasionally wear them? Exactly. The Warriors and Rockets meeting in the conference finals was as predictable as Pulp Fiction...if you’ve already seen it 5-10 times. (On the real that movie is confusing the first time).

For the casual fan, the NBA basketball season begins now. If you haven’t watched much NBA basketball until now, let me give you a quick recap; the Warriors still have the dream team with the addition of Kevin “put extra sprinkles on my cupcake” Durant and will probably easily repeat but people think the Rocket’s thick facial hair have a chance. The Celtics still can’t believe Quicken Loans arena Karate chopped Gordon Hayward’s ankle six minutes into the season but enter the conference finals where they will meet the Lebrons who clearly treated the regular season like a step-son from a fourth marriage and didn’t give a damn as they now look on course for another Finals appearance. Now with the details out of the way, let’s get down to why we are here - the five questions we have for the NBA playoffs.

  1. Will there be one play throughout the final two rounds, one possession, 24 seconds where not one single player or coach complains about anything? Is it possible for Kevin Durant to miss a shot and not look at the refs as if they just ate the last piece of cake that he was saving for later? My hunch is no, but watch and find out. If you think you see a complaintless play, let me know.

  2. Which book will Lebron James pretend to read? As you may recall, in a game against Boston last March, Lebron was “reading” the Godfather while walking to the team bus. I have pretended to do a lot of things in my day, understanding how the economy works comes to mind, but never would I pretend to read a book while walking because what idiot would possibly believe me? So which book will Lebron pick off of his pretend shelf this year? I am going with any of the Lord of the Rings books as the various magical creatures could actually read a book while walking to the team bus.

  3. If the Rockets win it all on the front of James Harden’s beard, how many players will grow out their beards for next season? Yeah I think all of them too. Quick! Try to imagine every player and coach with Harden’s beard. Tom Thibodeau LOL.

  4. How many people (players or otherwise) will Draymond Green kick in the penis? People have said to me, “dude that was two years ago,” and I’m like, yeah, so that means he’s due.

  5. If Boston somehow wins it all, who will look better at pretending they aren’t super salty? Kyrie Irving or Gordon Hayward? Ever since Hayward went from shaggy haired 8th grader to one of the swaggiest flows in the game, he’s looked better than most in all aspects of his life so I’m going with him assuming they have picked up all the remains of his shattered ankle.


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