Guns, Fans, Dirt Bikes and the DL: How Dumb is Your Favorite Athlete?

The San Francisco Giants are 15-24, nine games back in the division and only a game

ahead of the lowly Padres. They’ve fallen and their life alert button isn’t working. An optimist might say, “well it’s a long season,” but I’m more of a pessimist, scratch that, a realist, and I say, “dude they suck.”

As you may have heard, Giants ace, Madison Bumgarner, rode his dirt bike into the DL and hopes to return in early August. For those who aren’t great at math, when your best player misses 2/3rds of the season, it greatly decreases your team’s chances of being good. Look it up. This brings me to my question, why are some people so maddeningly stupid? Madbum said he was being safe and wasn’t going, “THAT fast,” and if you really believe he was being safe then you probably think OJ is innocent too. I don’t think he was doing wheelies or challenging Travis Pastrana (I don’t know how I remembered that name) to a “how many times can you do a flip in the air” contest, but I also don’t think he wore a flowery painted helmet with a bell on the handlebar and girl scout cookies in his basket.

When you are set to make 12 million dollars and your job demands your body be in perfect condition, here’s a thought: don’t get on things with only two wheels that also go super fast. Have you ever noticed that if you stand up a bike with no kickstand and let it go, it immediately falls down? Have you also noticed that when you let go of a car, also with no kickstand, it just sits there? Me too! Driving a car can be dangerous, but riding a motorbike is much more dangerous. There are stats to back that up but just ask Jay Williams instead. It’s not just motorbikes causing athletes to do stupid things.

Former Chicago Cub reliever Kyle Farnsworth once kicked an electric fan landing himself on the DL. Farnsworth would return but the fan was never the same. Then New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress brought a gun into a nightclub in 2008 and shot himself in the leg. Pro tip: when you’re carrying a firearm for which you do not have a license, and you decide to bring it to the most likely place to get bumped into by a thousand people, put the safety on. Athletes are people and people do stupid things. But when you are the face of a franchise, when you have a gift that one in a billion people have, don’t be stupid and don’t be selfish. Protect yourself.

Remember, if it can stand up on it’s own, go for it and if not, it could very well land you on the DL for four months and ruin the Giant’s season. Also, it bears repeating, but professional athlete or not, definitely don’t ever shoot yourself in the leg.

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