When Hell Freezes Over, Jon Lester Still Won't Be Able To Throw The Ball To First Base
I went to the Cubs game last Friday: I saw a tight ballgame for seven and a half innings, Rizzo came up big, Matt Sczur hit his first career grand slam and the Cubbies walked away with a 6-1 W. The casual fan may have walked away with all of those things in mind but all I could talk about was Chuck Knoblauch reincarnate: Jon “I can’t throw to first base if my life depended on it” Lester.
In the top of the seventh, the game tied at one with runners on first and second, Braves Shortstop, Erick Aybar, placed a bunt right back to the pitcher. In most scenarios, that is the worst place to bunt the ball, but not when the pitcher’s name is Jon “I get paid 25.6 million dollars a year but still can’t throw to first” Lester. Lester fielded the ball, and then “lost the handle” on it and didn’t attempt the throw. “Lost the handle?” Lies I say, lies! Don’t lie to me Jon “I lie to my fans to avoid talking about how I can’t throw to first” Lester.
Just a few weeks earlier against the Rockies, Lester attempted to throw the ball to first but instead shoved it into the ground as if the ball had done something wrong and by some miracle, the ground was able to bounce the ball all the way to first to record the out. Unfortunately, Jon “I get mad at the ground at the thought of throwing to first” Lester will not get the assist on that play, it officially goes as a 1-ground-3 putout. If you haven’t seen the embarrassing play, take a look.
But I don’t mean to just pick on Jon “I get why I’m easy to pick on” Lester all day, though it is fun. What I really want to know is: WHY ISN’T EVERYONE BUNTING? Like all the time no matter what? He cannot throw the ball to first base, period. What else must be said? The Cubs are now 19-6 and are plowing over every team they face. Jon “I’d rather take a line drive off the face than throw the ball to first base” Lester is good at pitching baseballs. (Specifically only to David Ross, the oldest man on earth.) It is not easy to get hits off of him, why not bunt the ball right at him and watch a grown man fail at something most people between the ages of 6 and 85 can do? And as you watch Jon “I don’t think every 85 year old can do that better than me” Lester embarrass himself on live television, you could be standing safely on first base talking with everybody’s favorite guy: Anthony Rizzo.
All jokes aside, is pride why teams haven’t tried this? Do they think maybe he can throw the ball to first base? If it’s the former, screw your pride and do whatever it takes to win a ball game. And if it’s the latter, no, he can’t throw to first base. Question answered.
So when Lester takes the hill against the Pirates later today, and after the relative spanking the Cubs have given the Pirates the first two games of this series, maybe the Bucs will wise up and finally truly expose, Jon “I’m desperately hoping to finish my career without being truly exposed of my fatal flaw” Lester.
My guess is they won’t listen to me. But if they did, boy would that be funny to watch.