Before I go making fun of the NBA again, truly one of my favorite pastimes, I would like to note that I believe these players to be the very best athletes in the world and I have nothing but respect for their extreme abilities and their unparalleled work ethic. Now that the formalities are out of the way, let the bashing begin.
I am a Chicago Bulls fan which is a terrible team to be a fan of these days. We have no one superstar player who is worthy of buying a ticket to see, we have no chance of winning the championship this year and the future looks no better than the road of mediocrity. Hold onto your hat, or your pants, or whatever article of clothing you think may fall off after you hear the following shocking statement: I’d rather be a Philadelphia 76ers fan. That’s right, I said it, Neil Armstrong was the first person to walk on the moon and I’m going to be the first person in history to jump on the Philadelphia 76ers bandwagon.
Before you go calling me a bad fan, what I mean to say is, I would rather the Bulls be in the current position of the 76ers than in their current position. Yes I know the Sixers are an abysmal 8-45, but think about what they have to look forward to. 76er fans aren’t watching the NBA at all this year, they are watching LSU basketball and the projected number one pick, the Wonder from Down Under, Ben Simmons. (Note: If the Wonder from Down Under catches, be advised, you heard it here first). Wouldn’t it be fun to be able to salivate over having Jahlil Okafor and Ben Simmons clogging up the paint and throwing the basketball through the rim? I can’t speak to how fun that would be in the NBA but if it is anything like my 5’7 brother and me dunking over my seven year old cousin on his 6’0 Fisher Price rim, then boy it should be a blast.
So let’s get back to the Bulls who are currently seeded seventh in the Eastern Conference. They have about the same chance of winning the championship this year as the TuneSquad had against the MonStars BEFORE drinking Michael’s Secret Stuff. It’s not happening. So they could either keep trying to be formidable now and likely remain in the middle of the pack for the foreseeable future, or, stop winning games and throw their name in the hat for Simmons or other possible franchise altering players. Now I know suggesting my team tank is worse than saying Trump just knows whats up, but as a fan, that’s truly how I feel.
I hope my bold statements weren’t too harsh or brash for you, but in case they were, if you need me, I’ll just be sitting here trying to top my nickname for the Wonder from Down Under.